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Archive for the tag “2011”

28 Mar 2013
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Undefeated

Review No. 443

“Undefeated”–and yet not victorious, either.

undefeated_xxlg

Directed & Edited by: Daniel Lindsay and T.J. Martin

Distributed by the Weinstein Company on February 17, 2012. Produced in English by the United States. Runs 113 mins. Rated PG-13 by the MPAA–infrequent language.

Undefeated was watched on March 4, 2013.

“Football doesn’t build character, it reveals character!” –Marv Levy

There’s a scene in the setup of Undefeated that represents the entire rest of the film. A roomful of lower class football players is asked two questions: Whose parents have gone to college? Not one hand is raised. Who has a relative that has been or is currently incarcerated? Almost every hand goes up. The scene is very moving and presents the sad mood of the documentary. But I couldn’t help but wonder how many movies I’d seen with similar moments.

Undefeated is the story of several seniors at Manassas High School. For their entire lives, these students have been some of the most unruly, impoverished, uneducated, undisciplined, and aggressive youngsters in all of Tennessee. For six years, they’ve been training under perhaps the most volatile coach imaginable, in order to become the first class in the school’s existence that will win a football championship.

I know this is a documentary, but I felt it was entirely predictable. The film’s biggest mistake parallels that of most sports dramas. It’s pretty much inevitable that the Manassas Tigers will win, despite their huge underdog status. However, the underdog status is what keeps our attention.

Another huge misstep I can’t help but whine about is that I felt as though I had come to know the coach more than the team. The coach is starlit in Undefeated, perhaps because of his aggression that motivates the team, but nonetheless, the team deserves recognition and spotlighting for their outrageously prosperous efforts. Some scenes feature them in an unforgettable light. I’m not sure I’ll ever let go of the scene in which humans are compared to turtles, for they try and act tough on the outside when really, they’re only weaklings. I just wish there were more scenes that powerful.

I can’t say Undefeated was a true victory. It’s very flawed and it could have turned out much better. How it won the Academy Award for Best Documentary, I’ll never understand. But it’s difficult not to feel intrigued or inspired. Quite frankly, I think that’s all it wanted to achieve.

B MINUS

TOMORROW, ON CINEMANIAC REVIEWS…

Stardust Memories

Posted in Documentary, [Film Reviews] and tagged ,
20 Mar 2013
5 Comments

Jack and Jill

Day Ten of the Two-Week Torturefest

If “Dunkauccino” sounds more like “Al Pacino” than “cappuccino”, then “Jack and Jill” must be something of a crappuccino.

jack_and_jill

Directed by: Dennis Dugan
Written by: Steve Koren and Adam Sandler & Ben Zook
Jack: Adam Sandler
Jill: Adam Sandler
Also Starring: Al Pacino, Elodie Tougne, Katie Holmes, Rohan Chand

Distributed by Columbia Pictures on November 11, 2011. Produced in English by the United States. Runs 91 minutes. Rated PG by the MPAA–scatological humor, profanity, violence, infrequent smoking.

Jack and Jill was watched on January 15, 2013.

“Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water;
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.”

I wish I could fall down a hill after this awful experience. Jack and Jill is truly excruciating torture. If you can imagine receiving fixation from the electric chair and the cat o’ nine tails simultaneously, perhaps you can picture some of what I was going through as I sat on the couch and endured this madness. I kept checking the time, but none of it would stop. It’s like having a nightmare, all alone, no one around to wake you up. Then, after an hour and a half that feels at least three times as long, the credits arrived. I could have very well been in a cold sweat at that point, but I couldn’t resist shouting “Hallelujah!” as I rejoiced that it was finally over.

Adam Sandler does possess talent with humor. His films rarely present an unpredictable story or any humor that we haven’t seen before in some permutation, but they’re often fun to watch. Happy Gilmore. Billy Madison. 50 First Dates. Just Go with It. Four right off the top of my head.

Unfortunately, Jack and Jill couldn’t do anything off the top of its head, even if it tried. Because Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. And then, shortly after all humor was lost in a flow of hemorrhage from the two poor little heads, Adam Sandler made it into an endlessly obnoxious movie.

What’s incredibly sad about Jack and Jill is that it claims to be a family movie. The recurring “joke” (or one of two or three that just recycles itself as if it was funny the first time it appeared) is that Jill has not a clue about the term “PC.” This stands for both “personal computer” and “politically correct,” and she shows an idiotic lack of knowledge in both scenarios, but I refer mostly to the latter.

Jill is a racist. She comes over, claims she’ll stay for four days, ends up staying forever, and while she’s at it, takes every chance she finds to make fun of other religions and ethnicities. She’s Jewish, too, which leads to her catch phrase: “That sounds anti-Semitic!” Try looping that in your mind as a falsetto screamed at the top of Sandler’s lungs, just as the rest of Jill’s dialogue is.

Jack and Jill takes a brave risk trying to appeal to parents. One or two jokes come close to well-written, but even they are difficult to merely chuckle at, when lost in a sea of inaccurate stereotypes, screaming, more dumb attempts at comedy, and all these repeated again and again and again. And again.

The best part comes at the end. If you’ve tried to watch the film yourself, I know. You’re surprised I lasted so long. Al Pacino must not have enjoyed being in the film. At all. In this final scene, Jack plays him the hideous Dunkin’ Donuts commercial that stars Pacino as the Dunkaccino (I actually thought Dunkaccino sounded more like cappuccino than it did Al Pacino, but I may be wrong). Al Pacino’s response: “Burn it.” He asks for Jack to confiscate every copy worldwide and burn it.

I was certain of one thing: Pacino wasn’t at all talking about the commercial. He wanted to burn something else. If only he had warned me before I had wasted my time with it.

F


Battlefield Earth – did you forget John Travolta was a Scientologist?

This review was brought to you by…
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Posted in Comedy, Family, [Film Reviews] and tagged
12 Mar 2013
23 Comments

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

Day Two of the Two-Week Torturefest

NEVER.

justin_bieber_never_say_never

Directed by: Jon M. Chu
Featuring: Justin Bieber
Also Featuring: Boyz II Men, Hayden Thompson, Jaden Smith, Jeremy Bieber, L.A. Reid, Ludacris, Miley Cyrus, Scooter Braun, Scrappy Stassen, Sean Kingston, Snoop Dogg, Usher

Distributed by Paramount Pictures on February 11, 2011. Produced in English by the United States. Runs 105 minutes. Rated G by the MPAA.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never was watched on December 27, 2012.

“I hate this.” –Justin Bieber at the dentist

If I could leave it at that, I could. It’s quite impressive that a review for Justin Bieber: Never Say Never could be as easy as taking footage of Justin Bieber saying he hates being at the dentist, and using it to describe my entire experience. The only problem with that is the presence of Justin Bieber, and his voice, would make my blog crash.

Why yes, I am a “non-Belieber,” if that’s how Justin’s fans know his nonfans. This was the fourth film I watched in the Two-Week Torturefest, and although considered by most critics to be the most acceptable on the list, I wouldn’t be surprised if it remained the most faithful to the word “torture.”

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never makes fame seem easy to attain. Easy. If it were this easy, newspapers would have to be issued three times a day, and they’d be at least ten times the size, because everyone putting the most infinitesimal effort forth would be just as famous. I shudder at the thought of a million Justinites, before realizing that there are—somehow—millions of them all over the place.

The film makes a gem out of the fact that not only is Justin Bieber an illegitimate child (the key word in this sentence being illegitimate, but he is indeed about as obnoxious as a young child); features Miley Cyrus in skimpy clothing (now you really have to wonder if this is promoting prostitution, and if so, why is the film G-rated?); and that his mother (who smiles as she explains that she broke up with Justin’s father just months after he was born) was the one who essentially brought him to fame.

Not to insult you, Justin’s Mommy, but you’re hating against your own son for being an “accident,” appropriating him with one of the most controversial celebrities in recent years, and making a big deal out of that he is a “Mommy’s boy.” When he was around twelve or thirteen years old, she loved his voice (as all mothers do when they notice a talent the child herself cannot notice…yes I wrote “herself”) and decided to pass it around YouTube. Whaddaya know, it gets discovered by a guy named Scooter Braun.

I’m beginning to feel bad for Canada. They have dozens of talented people like James Cameron and Avril Lavigne, robbed of fame by an average joe like Justin Bieber. He’s sixteen years old in the documentary (which must mean he’s nineteen now…I think I miscalculated somewhere). Has he hit puberty yet? It appears not. Why does everybody love him? To tell you the truth, those sixteen-year-old girls actually sounded like they were hired to say stupid, clichéd love quotes to a guy (I think) who brainwashes innocent nine-and-under audiences into lovesick diva wannabes.

America has been corrupted. Next thing we know, he’ll be turning the American flag white and purple. Okay, now it’s beginning to sound like propaganda, which, even as a diehard “non-Belieber,” was not my intent. In all seriousness, I’m contemplating posting something on YouTube. Maybe I’ll get discovered from a knitting how-to, even though I have absolutely no clue how to knit (and I’d rather not learn, for that matter). Maybe I’d become for the knitting industry, what a shrill, falsetto-redundant “singer” like Justin Bieber is for the music industry.

F

Xanadu – the one excuse for putting big band music and roller skating together in one movie

This review was brought to you by…
TWTF

Posted in Documentary, Music/Musical, [Film Reviews] and tagged
01 Feb 2013
8 Comments

Life in a Day

Review No. 400

life_in_a_day_ver4

The Bottom Line: A day in the life of Life in a Day is a day in a life worth living. If that makes any sense.

Directed by: Kevin Macdonald and several co-directors

Distributed by National Geographic Films on July 24, 2011. Produced in English, Italian, Japanese, German, Spanish, Indonesian, Balinese, Portuguese, Ukrainian, Vietnamese, Creole, Catalan, Dutch, Bengali, Masai, Hindi, Arabic, Quechua, and Russian, by the United States and the United Kingdom. Runs 95 mins. Rated PG-13 by the MPAA for disturbing violent images, language and a sexual reference.

Life in a Day was watched on January 25, 2013.

“An eye for an eye makes the world blind.” –Mohandas Karamdach Gandhi

Life in a Day takes just an hour and a half to inform us of how easily we can take an entire lifetime for granted. Quite frankly, it’s shocking. The film was heavily truncated. Funded by National Geographic, this was initially an arbitrary film project. People, we want you to film a day in your life. How about…July 24, 2010? The number of people who accepted this seemingly basic offer is almost unfathomable. NG collected 80,000 submissions(!) from 192 countries(!), adding up to a grand total of 4,500 hours(!) of life in a day.

When I say the word “human,” countless thoughts rush to your mind in a split second, only less than 0.1% of them consciously known. I’d estimate that at least nine out of ten selected demographics shot off the word “human” are thoroughly recognized by Life in a Day. Rich and poor. Men and women. Parents and children. Newborns and senior citizens. Boys and girls. Obese and starving. Mansion-confined and homeless. Academic and apathetic. Artistic and athletic. I could go on. And on.

Life in a Day is a strong pondering. It’s easier to look at it from a rather accepting mind. I entered very skeptically, expecting an overlong YouTube video. (Technically it is—the pacing does wear thin with incoherent videos, and the website’s logo is displayed before the two-minute mark.) But the dogma in my forefinger that pressed “play” didn’t want anything more than a thought-provoking documentary. (Most fortunately, it is that, too.)

The film posed three questions, each one to a variety of answers. My main question is: the final length is only 2.1% of all the footage that was submitted. The documentary took six months, three days to premiere on the internet and at the Sundance Film Festival; it wasn’t until 365 days had passed since the filming day that the film earned an official release in US theaters. I’m beginning to think much of the time in between was devoted to botching the less meaningful addresses, and searching for the cream of the crop. Don’t cha think?

I do, however, slightly envy those who got the opportunity to participate in this project, while I had not a clue of its existence. So in light of this being my 400th review, I will give my own personal responses to the three questions myself (which are so damn boring, they probably would’ve botched anyway):

“What do you love?”
Should I go for the obvious? Ah, why not. Film, writing, and my dogs.

“What do you fear?”
Above all other things, I fear God, snakes, and appendicitis.

“What is in your pocket?”
I should’ve put my cell phone back in my pocket before writing this review. At the moment, I have a few bits of trash in my pocket, from when I was too lazy to go to the trash can. Hey, I’m being honest.

Postscript: If I piqued your interest in Life in a Day, the movie is actually available on National Geographic’s website, free of charge: http://bit.ly/Vo1dlz

B

Mrs. Doubtfire

Posted in Documentary, Drama, [Film Reviews] and tagged
02 Nov 2012
16 Comments

The Tree of Life

Bottom Line: A masterfully directed and written work of art.

Directed by: Terrence Malick
Starring: Brad Pitt, Cole Cockburn, Fiona Shaw, Hunter McCracken, Jessica Chastain, Kelly Koonce, Laramie Eppler, Nicolas Gonda, Sean Penn, Tye Sheridan, Will Wallace

Writer-director Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life is a solemn reincarnation of the avant-garde, echoing in the likes of Federico Fellini and David Lynch. It’s virtually a poem, or a rather picturesque visualization of one, with scenes acting as stanzas, each shot posing as a line, and the meticulously woven narration representing a poet’s own words. In just a few words, it’s a massively beautiful film. The film’s one fault is not in style itself, but in the “style over substance” agenda. Certainly, The Tree of Life intends to deliver messages about how life, love, family, and death are all intertwined into one body. The premise works as a travelogue, in which a man looks back to 1956, recounting his harrowed family life; unfortunately, the plot is slightly buried as it is, and–unless you happen to have majored in symbolism at Harvard for an entire four years–there isn’t much likelihood of successfully deciphering the conclusion to which the film comes eventually.

Read more…

Posted in Drama, [Film Reviews] and tagged
24 Jun 2012
29 Comments

Insidious

in·sid·i·ous
adjective /inˈsidēəs/
1. Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects
2. Treacherous; crafty

This is one of my recent favorites.  It was actually serendipitous that I watched it yesterday.  My friends (or friend, if you subtract the one who ran away screaming) and I were planning on watching Philadelphia, but it turned out that we were instead watching this grossly underrated horror classic of recent years.  Every time I see this, it just seems to grow better and better.  So please allow me to “project” my review of Insidious:

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Bottom Line: Heavily misunderstood; lots of fun.

“It’s not the house that is haunted. It’s your son.” –Lin Shaye as Elise Rainier

Directed by: James Wan
Starring: Angus Sampson, Barbara Hershey, Leigh Whannell, Lin Shaye, Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins

It’s a bit ironic as well as every ounce appropriate that INSIDIOUS can be defined perfectly by the singular word in its title. Though the film starts out seemingly harmless (save for the ominous, heavy foreshadowing in the title sequence), it climaxes into a creepy mood; before we know it, not ten seconds can be counted in between the horrific scares in the conclusion.

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Posted in Drama, Horror, Thriller, [Film Reviews] and tagged
22 Jun 2012
12 Comments

Footloose

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Bottom Line: Cool and fun, despite numerous flaws.

“Wait, wait, wait. Jump back. Are you kidding me? Dancing is against the law? –Kenny Wormald as Ren

Directed by: Craig Brewer
Starring: Andie MacDowell, Dennis Quaid, Julianne Hough, Kenny Wormald, Ziah Colon

FOOTLOOSE is one of the few musical adaptations that I waited for with bated breath. Even though I hardly remember the 1984 film in which its upbeat universe began (I may have not seen that version in its entirety, for that matter), and I have not seen a single performance of the stage musical, the soundtrack is one of the best I’ve ever heard from stage and film alike. It’s telling, however, to say that when one is sucked into the hype that prefaces a film’s release, very high expectations are held. And when very high expectations are held, disappointment is quite probable.

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Posted in Comedy, Drama, Music/Musical, [Film Reviews] and tagged
13 Jun 2012
14 Comments

The Muppets

Bottom Line: “Cute” would be the wrong word for this one…

“But Kermit, you have to try! The Muppets are AMAZING! You give people the greatest gift that can ever be given!” –Peter Linz as Walter
“Children?” –Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog
“No, the OTHER gift.” –Peter Linz as Walter
“Ice cream?” –Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog
“No, no, after that…” –Peter Linz as Walter
“Laughter?” –Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog
“YES! The THIRD greatest gift ever!” –Peter Linz as Walter

Directed by: James Bobin
Starring: Amy Adams, Bill Barretta, Chris Cooper, Dave Goelz, David Rudman, Eric Jacobson, Jack Black, Jason Segel, Matt Vogel, Peter Linz, Steve Whitmire

Joyful family musical opens the curtains with the quirky Walter (voiced by Peter Linz). He has been a true-blue fan of The Muppet Show ever since his childhood, and he, in fact, looks unmistakably like a Muppet himself. When touring Los Angeles with his best friend Gary (Jason Segel) and Gary’s girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams), he learns that an old theater belonging to the Muppets is being taken over by an oil tycoon. Destined to save the Muppets, Walter visits Kermit the Frog’s (Steve Whitmire) house, making every attempt to bring this to his attention, even though Kermit seems uninterested. To do so, it is agreed that all the Muppets be gathered from where they are on their own acts and reunite for a show to raise ten million dollars, the whopping cost needed to save the theater from being taken over.

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Posted in Comedy, Family, Music/Musical, [Film Reviews] and tagged
04 May 2012
17 Comments

The Ides of March

Bottom Line: Very watchable and absorbing.

“You can lie, you can cheat, you can start a war, you can bankrupt the country, but you can’t f–k the interns. They get you for that.” –Ryan Gosling as Stephen Meyers

Directed by: George Clooney
Starring: Evan Rachel Wood, George Clooney, Paul Giamatti, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ryan Gosling

Engaging political drama centers on Stephen Meyers (Ryan Gosling), the second in command for the presidential campaign of Democratic Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney). Despite strong communications and decisions to make sure Morris cannot possibly lose his election, Meyers, an idealist who claims to believe in nothing but the U.S. Constitution, is facing a crash course. He is dealing with the opposing party, getting stabbed in the back by someone he has considered a friend, and his relationship with a twenty-year-old intern, while also bending his permissions in the campaign. The film is based on a recently-written play entitled Farragut North, which itself was based somewhat on the 2004 Democratic Primary campaign of Howard Dean. The title THE IDES OF MARCH is a much more fitting pick than the title of the play on which it is based. This title is a historical reference to Julius Caesar, who was (at least in William Shakespeare’s theatrical rendition) warned to “beware the ides of March”. On this time of which Caesar was warned, he was in the Roman Senate when he was stabbed to death by tens of people, one of whom was his longtime friend Marcus Junius Brutus. Ever since then, the phrase has been a common saying resembling betrayal. Though more verbal than violent in this film, the reference is quite clear, even if the film was released in the beginning of October.

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Posted in Drama, [Film Reviews] and tagged
29 Apr 2012
2 Comments

Jumping the Broom

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Bottom Line: Tries to jump nice and clean, but gets its shoe caught.

Directed by: Salim Akil
Starring: Angela Bassett, Laz Alonso, Paula Patton

Literally black comedy (though lacking in humor) about Sabrina (Paula Patton) and Jason (Laz Alonso). Sabrina is an uptown, rich, bilingual woman, whereas Jason is a lower class fellow from the ghetto area of Brooklyn. The two are planning their wedding, and a problem arises when Jason’s mother begins obsessing over jumping the broom, which the two had not at all planned on. Jumping the broom is a tradition at African-American weddings that traces black to the days of American Civil War and slavery. Similar to other traditions such as glass-breaking at a Jewish wedding, it gets its name because the wedding ends with the couple jumping over a broom and proceeding down the aisle.

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Posted in Comedy, Drama, Romance, [Film Reviews] and tagged

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